Growin’ Up Nerdy and Pimply
and Eatin’ Lunches Alone
Nothin’ Would Make Me More Dimply
Then Pretendin’ I Was Catchin’ All
Of Those Pokemon In My Poke Ball
I Grew Up And Soon When To Colgate—Go Raiders!
And Then Got Employed At Best Buy
My Mom Says I Should Get A Soulmate
But As I Picked My Tinder Pic
An Ad Appeared I Had To Click
It Hit Me Like A Hockey Stick
My Jaw Fell To The Floor
Cus’ Suddenly The Kid In Me
Won’t Have To Dream No More!

I’m Catchin’ A Charzard Way Back In My Backyard
I Magically Met Mr. Mime!
I’m Catchin’ A Gloom On The Desk In My Room
Who Knew It Was There The Whole Time
I Spotted A Weedle While Threading A Needle
And Also Atop My Nerf Gun
I Saw Magikarp On The Top Of A Tarp
You Bet Your Blastoise This Is Fun

I Finally Got Out Of The Basement
I Finally Put On Some Pants
And I’m Finally Walking The Dogs Now,
But Pretending That They’re Nidorans!
I’m Shredding My Cards Cus’ They’re Useless
No Matter How Priceless They Are
I’m Quitting My Job and I’m Hitting The Road,
And I’m Gonna Be A Pokemon Star!
They Let Me Off Of House Arrest And That Is All Because
I’m Gonna Be The Very Best Like Noone Ever Was

I’m Catchin’ Clefairy Outside The Library
I Hit Up A Hip Hitmochan
I Found Myself Mew In The Second Row Pew
Cus’ Jesus Is Also A Fan!
I Caught A Dewgong In My Friend Peter’s Bong
And A Seel On A Cinnabon Bun!
I Saw A Ponyta While Watching Evita
And A Ninetails On Top Of A Nun!
I Found Pikachus And Some Roanoke Clues
And a Corpse In The Glistening Sun!
I Caught Myself Muk in the midst of a…movie!
You Can Bet Your Blastoise This Is Fun!
And Totally Worth My Time!